Treading Water

What i'm doing now, is not breathing.

and this sure feels familiar.

dearest, dearest

In your colorless splendor, and your bitter words. I wonder how many times i've lost you and how many times have i not known of it. But even so, could i have saved you?
There is darkness of too many different kinds, and one i fear ahead in time. Yet, there is always forgetting to keep us alive. We remember too much sometimes. In remembrance, always, in remembrance. ("hello? come here now won't you? how, silly? i don't know, i just miss you.") The static pulls you away here, you're fading, and i'm fading too.

I am running. we had woken up to the sounds of waves that day. I am running, and the sun is gentle on me. I am running, and my feet is sinking into the sand. I am running, and i am tired. I am running, and i am smiling. I am running, and you're smiling back at me. (faster, faster, i'm beating you at this!) You beat me at it.

dearest, dearest, concealed in veils of laughter, obscured by the brightest lights. You've sketched me pictures, and you've searched tirelessly for my smile. and i know, I tire you out sometimes.
(i wish i could make you happier. you do, you really do.)

So this is all i have.
there is you, there is me, and there is a whisper for the night.
and thank god  (you know what? i love you.)
Thank god.

One day,

we'll travel to the city on your wall
and place ourselves at the left hand corner,
scattered with street lights and sidewalk cafes
which i've memorized quite well by now

I remember once, I closed my eyes to remember you in my favourite colours. and i could hold you like that in my mind for a second, then it falls apart like clustered sand, crumbling to grains in careless hands.

i missed you terribly then.

Do they collide, i ask and you smile
With my feet on the dash,
the world doesn't matter

Alright, what we do is we count to three, and we shout surprise.

1, 2, 3..

I feel temporary tonight

Soon, there will be a new kind of familiarity in our lives, a replacement for all we once knew, as we start forgetting and knowing once again. But right now, there is an urgency in every heart that is safe, to remember what comfort is, and there is doubt, in the stretch of time ahead.

We will always meet as strangers, and there is a greeting, a smile, a judgement.
and a wall,
to be broken,
to be built.

my feet will sink further into the sand as every wave takes you away from me and i can only stand as i am and watch you crash in and out again and again.

I only know now of life that plays us both like puppets, strangled by the string around our necks so we choke on every attempt to make it someplace safe.
This is control staring at me in my own helplessness.
And I finally know what optimism is for but I don't feel much like anything tonight.

Could I really have saved you?